moving forward

the definition of insanity is to repeat the same action again and again expecting different results; if this is true then i am 100% insane. however, insanity is technically used only as a legal term and holds no foundation in the psychological world. but, for shits 'n giggles i'm going to use it here for my purpose. if i am insane, by the above definition, than how do i reverse the diagnosis?

i pursue love like a hound pursues the hunter's prey, and it's plain pathetic. why can't i learn from my mistakes? well, i plan to do so. first, i choose the wrong people, and second, i give away too much vulnerability and pure heart - not acceptable. this will stop here and now.

but, now i realize i need to pay closer attention to my own vulnerabilities; i need to recognize why and how i respond to the rejections by someone i hardly know. why do i myself fall on the little self-respect and dignity i have left?

i'm too busy, and too sensitive for this kind of drama. i have school, soon i will be volunteering, i have friends, i have my family, and for chrissakes i have SOME fucking dignity. groveling does not become me.

anyhow, i feel stronger for having this experience because i'm learning to overcome acting upon these urgent feelings; hopefully, i will, instead, try to use those intense feelings more proactively. i always believe we, as people, are works in progress - we might fuck-up - but we can always mend our ways by learning from our mistakes.

*out muthafuckers.